WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

A few years ago I made a career transition from being a pastor to being a regional church planting director. I moved from direct ministry to members of a church and community to assessing, training, coaching and resourcing pastors who were starting new congregations. Big change. I didn’t know how big a change it was. I was in the realm of unconscious incompetence.

In psychology, there is a name for what I was going through. It’s called the “Four Stages of Competence.” I entered at the first stage: unconscious incompetence. Basically, I didn’t know what I didn’t know. This is often the bliss of ignorance. For a seasoned pastor, I could assume that I had the tools and knowledge to do the job and get going. But that was not the case. In fact, the more self-assured a person is, the harder it will be for them in this first stage. It is hard because they think they know what they need, but in reality, they don’t know what they need and they don’t even know that they need something.

This utter ignorance must be overcome by having a teachable and coachable spirit. I could only get past this first stage with some humility and someone else's help. That someone else needed to be competent in the area I’m not. If you have a “life-question” then ask someone who has lived a great life and done well. If it is a career question, then find a successful person in the career in question and ask them. You get it.

So, when you recognize your unconscious incompetence, the first question that you ask yourself is, “Who do I know or who do I know who may know someone who has done well at (fill in the blank)? " Name them and then find them.

Before you meet with that person, you need to answer this question: What am I most afraid of? The question goes to your fear. Fear has a way of hiding behind a lot of other stuff in our lives. It can sabotage just about anything unless it is confronted.

To be receptive and honest with them, you need to honestly answer that question and bring that answer with you to the meeting and let it help to shape your time in learning from them.

The next question is for them. It is a very open ended question and it may need a few follow-up questions, but to get it started, ask, “What is it that you have found out that most people don’t know about (fill in the blank), that they need to know?” This will get you moving past unconscious incompetence.

Second in the stages of competence is conscious incompetence. In this stage you know what you don’t know. It is often a shocking and even paralyzing state to be. But I want you to know something; the only thing you’re doing right now is gathering information. You are forming a perspective, not yet solving a problem. This part is the overwhelming part.

Once you’ve done your information processing; ask yourself this next question: "Where do I need to focus?" Learning begins here. You target a few things that are crucial to moving through your conscience incompetence. The question to ask is this: "What is one thing I could do that would move me further along than anything else?" It is a strategic question. For me, in starting new churches it was finding the right church planter. Period.

There were a lot of other things that needed attention, but I came to realize that without a good church planting candidate it did not matter how great the funding was or training or support. The right candidate was it. So that is where I focused. It was a good choice and it remained the overall focus.

The third stage is conscious competence. This is where you not only have knowledge about what you need to do, but you can do it. It probably won’t be done perfectly but you’re moving forward. It takes a lot of mental and physical focus to do it well, but over time and with practice it is getting more natural. Two questions to ask in this stage are, first: "How can I improve what I am doing?" And the second question is: "What do I need to keep me going?" The first is a training question and the second is a stamina question. They are questions of refinement and sustainability: Am I improving and is this sustainable?

The last stage is unconscious competence. Through practice, trial and error, training and maybe even blood, sweat and tears you come to the place where you can do what others would say is improbable. Professional athletes do every day. They do it because they learned what they didn’t know and now know that they needed to know. They do it because they got help. They do it because they trained, over and over again. Studies have shown that to become an expert at something you need to do it 10,000 times. But don’t do it 10,000 times the same way. It is 10,000 times with growth and improvement and training and stamina to keep going.

At this stage, you have become a master. But it will die with you unless you pass it along. Be on the lookout for someone you can help. Ask: "Who else may benefit from what I’m learning?" Let someone else in on what you’ve gone through. It will help solidify your experience and help them through theirs. Perhaps you will cross paths with someone who just doesn’t know what to do.

To wrap this up. Here are the questions in order to ask and answer when you don’t know what to do.

1. What am I most afraid of? (What do I not want anyone to ask?)

2. Who do I know that has done well at (fill in the blank) that I can interview?

3. What is it that most have failed to know that they need to know? (to ask the interviewee)

4. How can I improve what I am doing now?

5. What do I need to keep me going?

6. Who else may benefit from what I’m learning?

Six Things to Do When Tempted to Give Up

“No temptation has come upon you except what is common to humanity. But God is faithful; he will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to bear it.” (1 Corinthians 10:13, CSB)

Just over a year ago I served as transitional pastor at a troubled church. They lost their senior pastor during the Covid-19 pandemic. He just quit. He quit pastoring. When I met him, his exact words were, “I just can’t do this anymore. Jimmy, I hope you can help them because I can’t.” He was exhausted, discouraged and disillusioned certainly because of all the adversity that pastoring normally brings, but what really got him was trying to minister in a pandemic.

Recently, another pastor I know left his church for the same reason. Just this week a friend, who is a pastor at a church, resigned. He is leaving full-time ministry to pursue other employment. All three of these individuals feel like they don’t have anything left to give.

Perhaps you’ve felt this way. Maybe you aren’t in ministry but you’re ready to quit your job, a relationship, or some other commitment. Sometimes quitting is the right thing. The only way you can save yourself and your sanity is to leave. But before you do, take a moment and work through these six things when tempted to give up.

1. Assess your resiliency

At the core, we are tempted to give up when we believe we can’t go on or won’t recover. A definition of resiliency is the ability to recover or bounce back from stress, whether it is in body, soul, or spirit.

If you are tempted to giving up, then it would be to your advantage to first assess your own level of resiliency. Perhaps there is something you need that’s been missing. Often even a small change that makes a huge difference. For example, your resilience can be eroded by everyday adversities over time. It doesn’t have to be one or two big events. The erosion can be like a constant dripping of water on a rock. Given enough time and conditions being unchanged, the water will wear through the rock.

Resilience is also one of the five parts of emotional intelligence (EQ). It is used almost interchangeably with motivation. Motivation is having the right thought process, putting the emotion into play, which enables us to bounce back from adversity and keep going. Notice the focus is on the “right thought process”, which triggers the energy of emotion that gets us going.

One of the most important truths to realize in thinking about resilience is understanding that our emotions and behaviors are triggered not by events themselves but by how we interpret those events. Therefore, one person has adversity, and they give up. Another person has the same adversity, and they work through it and come out stronger.

Along with that realization, there is another truth that is foundational. This foundational truth should be obvious but for many it requires self-discovery. The truth is this: You need to know the kind of person you are not just who you think you are. Who we think we are determines our interpretation of events and therefore, how it will impact us for good or for bad.

There are resilience assessments that you can take to self-determine your level of resiliency. There are also assessments and tools that will help you to become more aware of your own strengths and areas that need growth. In my experience, the Enneagram is the best tool around to help a person identify and then understand their own thinking, feeling and acting patterns. These include vulnerabilities, fixations, vices, triggers, defense mechanisms and even blind spots. One client said to me after the second of two coaching sessions, that it was better than a year of counseling!

If you want to take a quick resiliency assessment, here is one you can download and print for free.

Resilience Assessment Questionnaire

If you want to take a basic free Enneagram assessment, you I recommend this one.

Free Enneagram Quiz

If you are wanting to explore the deeper layers of your personality, you can contact me. I have a coaching package that will give you in in-depth understanding of your personality and a path for relational and spiritual growth tailored to your specific desired outcomes. You can check it out here:

Enneagram Coaching Package

2. Remember why you started in the first place

One of the first things a marriage coach will do when meeting a couple in marital trouble is to have them think back to the beginning of their relationship and ask, “Why did you want to marry this person?” It’s good to dwell on that for a while, a long while. A good marriage coach will have the couple each make separate list naming all the reasons why they got married in the first place: Emotional reasons, physical reasons, relational reasons, security reasons, along with their hopes and dreams. It is amazing how in going back to the beginning, new strength is found.

It's not uncommon for us to lose our way amid the everyday challenges. We become tired and frustrated. The upsetting thing in front of us overshadows the glorious reason we started in the first place. It’s like holding a quarter so close to your eye that it blocks the sun. In proper perspective, that quarter is no comparison to the star holding our solar system together. But somehow when we make it bigger by holding it closer it distorts the true nature of both the quarter and the sun.

3. List the reasons why you want to give up

Just like you may list reasons why you started, you should list reasons why you want to quit. I encourage you to list every reason to quit that you can. After you’ve done this, then go through and eliminate the reasons that are just not good reasons. You will find that many of the reasons don’t match up to your character or values. In other words, some of the reasons to quit just don’t fit you. You are better than that.

Not all reasons are equal. One reason to give up can loom larger and all encompassing. This would be a reason needing more thought. But many reasons are small. However, a lot of small reasons can drain our strength like a slow air leak gradually flattens a tire. A lot of small reasons add up. Perhaps there are things you can do to eliminate some of the small reasons. This will lighten your load and give you greater ability to recharge. At any rate, getting it all on paper helps to identify the pain points and provides the beginnings of forming a new perspective.

4. Get another perspective

One of the best ways to gain a new perspective is to wait 24 hours. After you have done your list work and checked on your resilience, postpone the quitting for a day. Sleep on it. No matter how awful it may look right now, it will look different tomorrow. You will be able to approach it with some separation in time and with rest. Do what you must do to get a good night’s sleep.

Another perspective can come from another person. Show both lists to someone wise. Don’t show it to someone who will automatically agree with you. Think of a person who will be more objective. Show it to someone who is looking out for you, not someone who will just tell you what you want to hear. Listen to them. Don’t argue with them but encourage them to ask questions about the lists and about why you’re thinking of quitting. They may have some great wisdom that you would not have heard if you had not asked.

5. Practice gratitude

Though at first you may not see the connection, being grateful and expressing gratitude will help you immensely in deciding to whether to go or stay. Ask, “What are some of the things I am grateful for here? What would I miss if I quit?” Don’t go easy on yourself, force yourself to think of things you will miss. Imagine if you worked through the issues and came out the other side. What would have changed? How would you have changed? Are there others who are depending on you? What will they do if you quit?

On the other side, what other possibilities might you miss if you stay? In what ways would it be better for you to quit rather than stay? Could this be God closing a door, but where is the open door? Thank God for the opportunity of choice. Express gratitude that no matter what decision is made, God will not leave you.

6. Create a plan and a back-up plan

If you are quitting, you need to have not only an exit plan but a plan after the exit. What are you going to do next if you quit? How is it going to be any different? What can you do to break a possible pattern?

What are you going to do if you decide to not quit? What is your plan to change? How is it going to be different? You need a plan for both options.

There is one more plan you need. What if neither the “quit plan” or the “stay plan” work out? You need a backup plan. It doesn’t have to be fully worked out, but you will have more peace of mind and heart if you have a backup plan in the back of your mind.

Life is full of surprises. I wouldn’t be honest if I didn’t admit that most of the plans we make don’t end up the way we thought. So, next time you’re tempted to give up, think on these six things.

Five Things That Will Encourage More Baptisms in Your Church

“But now that faith has come, we are no longer under a guardian, for in Christ Jesus you are all sons of God, through faith. For as many of you as were baptized into Christ have put on Christ.” (Galatians 3:25–27, ESV)

“For we were all baptized by one Spirit into one body—whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free—and we were all given one Spirit to drink.” (1 Corinthians 12:13, CSB)

I was saved as a young adult. At 21, I was baptized by my pastor. I was so proud to be baptized that I invited my family (who lived 45 miles away) to come, which they did, and 17 of my college friends attended as well. Some of them just came to see if I’d go through with it.

My pastor had me memorize Galatians 2:20 and say it out loud before I was immersed. It’s a fitting verse because it describes the life we as believers are to live; dead to the old self and alive to the new. Baptism is a fitting visual reminder and testimony of this. Though I was baptized decades ago, I still remember it fondly. It was a primary spiritual marker for my life. In this article, I want to give you five things that you can do that will encourage more baptisms and make these baptisms spiritual markers in your church’s life as well.

1. Preach messages on Baptism

Preach on the baptism of John and what it meant as a precursor to Christian baptism. Preach on the baptism of Jesus, and how the Father was pleased at the obedience of his son. Preach on the practice of baptism in the book of Acts. Preach on the theological implications of baptism in Romans chapter 6 and 1 Corinthians chapter 12.

All these suggested sermon topics can be placed within the mandate of the Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20) Jesus gave to make disciples by immersing them in the reality of the triune God. I’m sure you can come up with many more topics and Scriptures to teach and preach on baptism.

2. Make a current baptism a teaching and inviting experience

There are so many, many opportunities we miss when we don’t take advantage of important moments to reach those already attending our church services. I’ll just list some bullet point ideas that will help you to move forward.

• Use the actual time of baptism as a time to share a teaching on why many quote Romans 6:4. You can take a few moments and teach from the baptistry or at the time of welcome. You may want to make a time of baptism a topic of the sermon on ordinances.

• If you have a card, QR code or Text Message for registering guests and taking prayer requests and needs, use this time to invite people who have not participated in believers Baptism to requests a no-strings-attached consultation to answer questions.

• Share the different views Christian denominations have in the theology, practice, and mode of baptism and why your church practices believer’s baptism. Invite people who were baptized as infants or who were “baptized” at confirmation and who later became believers to follow in believers’ baptism. This is an opportunity to invite others who were “baptized” by other modes than immersion to follow in the New Testament example of believer’s baptism.

For an example of some things that could be said before baptizing, here is a video of Rick Warren presenting a brief teaching on baptism before a baptism.

3. Schedule and promote baptism services as celebrations

I think we also miss opportunities to to reach family and friends of new believers. Making an occasion for baptism a full-blown celebration is an excellent way to make a great impression for the Great Commission. Here is what you can do, treat a baptism like a birthday party or anniversary celebration.

Share with the candidates for baptism that the church would like to make their baptism a memorable experience for them and for their friends and family. Ask if the church could throw them a party, with invitations, a moment of recognition at baptism and a short reception for them all prior to the baptism. This would allow the church to meet them as guests, have coffee and dessert in a celebratory social setting.

There are some helpful baptism ideas that you can find by searching the web. Tim Williams has written several times on this for Georgia Baptists. You can find his articles and links to other resources by clicking on the two buttons bellow:

Make Baptism A Big Deal

Maximizing A New Believer's Influence

Our North American Mission Board, SBC has over the years produced Baptist Sunday and Baptism Celebration materials. You can find their free resources here:

Baptism Sunday

4. Offer another venue for baptisms

The last church I pastored; we had a perfectly good baptistry in the main sanctuary. However, we also had another modern worship service in another building with no means for baptizing there. Our regular practice was to have baptism candidates from the modern service be baptized in the main sanctuary. On those Sundays it would affect our modern worship attendance. Almost all our youth attended the modern service. A few times after summer camp, we would set up an inflatable swimming pool in the modern service area and baptize there. It was fun and interesting to see the youth and their families help to set up the pool, bring snacks and prepare for the celebration. This offered a completely different atmosphere to those who were not regular church-attending people.

Other venues could be a home swimming pool, a neighborhood pool (with permission), a lake, a river, and even on a beach! In my second pastorate, our church was only 6 years old and had built a multipurpose building for worship. There was no baptistry. We used a large horse trough. We set up the trough in the welcome area and videoed the baptism live into the service. This also gave us the opportunity to record the baptism and give it to the candidates.

This church was in was Stillwater, Oklahoma. It is the home of Oklahoma State University. One year we baptized several of the university basketball team members. The trough was large, but these athletes were tall! I had to baptize them in segments. When the head went down,

the knees came up. But at some point, they were all immersed. These are great memories. Great memories for me, for the church and for the families and friends of those baptized. Baptize when you can, where you can and however you can.

Pictured here is my friend, Pastor Kevin Hisey of Open Door Church in Enid Oklahoma. Baptizing in a horse trough is second nature to these folks!

“As they were traveling down the road, they came to some water. The eunuch said, “Look, there’s water. What would keep me from being baptized?” So he ordered the chariot to stop, and both Philip and the eunuch went down into the water, and he baptized him.” (Acts 8:36–38, CSB)

5. Create an ongoing baptism culture using videos, certificates, reception, follow-up of guests, and website presence.

Other pastors and church leaders have done a great job in championing a culture of baptism in their churches. No matter what your thoughts are on the ministry of Saddleback Church and Rick Warren, you must admit that they have done much to create a celebratory culture of believers’ baptism. A few years ago, Rick wrote an article entitled “40 Ways to Increase Baptisms in the Next Year.” I’ve provided the link to that below. I believe you will find something there that will be a help in creating your own church’s unique baptism culture.

40 Ways to Increase Baptisms

The last thing I have to say on this is to ask you to take a few minutes right now and write down thoughts that come to mind concerning your church and baptisms. One suggestion I’d give is to schedule baptisms ahead of time, even when you don’t have a candidate ready. If you give enough time, space, and prayer, you and your church will be thinking more about it and if you ask, God will give. Nothing energizes a church like new believers, and nothing excites a new believer more than their church celebrating them with excitement, love, and support. In times such as these, we all need to see a death and burial to the old end with a rising again to new life in Christ. Amen.