Your Inner Critic: What It Is and How It Works

“I always strive to have a clear conscience toward God and men.” (Acts 24:16, CSB)

The practical working out of our salvation takes time and effort. There are pockets and potholes of resistance in all of us as God is working to use all things so that we may be conformed to the image of Christ (Romans 8:28-29). As Dallas Willard so famously said, “Grace is not opposed to effort, but to earning.” Even so, we are to be willing partners with God in the shaping of our lives, especially our inner life.

All of us have to some form and degree an inner dialogue. We have inner thoughts and even discussions within ourselves over issues of the day, our personal interactions with others, and reflections of ourselves. This is important to recognize. It’s important because we should be discerning in our self-talk. Our self-talk has several assumptions that we should question from time to time. They carry assumptions about life and how the world operates that may not be true. Perhaps some assumptions are mostly true but not completely and others are just false. Leadership coaches call these self-limiting beliefs. To the degree our assumptions do not align with reality they limit our flourishing.

Besides our assumptions and self-limiting beliefs, we have a conscience. Most people, when they think of conscience think of an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other both whispering into your ear what to do, or not to do. Conscience is the “ought” impulse.

Personally, my conscience whispers: I “ought” to be productive. I “ought” to put others needs before mine. I “ought” to be out sharing the gospel. I “ought” not to be eating that dessert. That’s conscience. It’s the internal conflict that can feel like voices going off in our heads.

The Bible talks about the conscience as an accuser to us along with God's law written in our hearts: “They show that the work of the law is written on their hearts, while their conscience also bears witness, and their conflicting thoughts accuse or even excuse them” (Romans 2:15, ESV) We have the capacity to know when we do good, could have done better or just flat out sinned.

We have a conscience because we have a capacity for moral judgment. Capacity is something that may be expanded or contracted. You can grow or shrink your conscience. You can also abuse it or make it thrive.

God is involved in our conscience. He gave it to us in the first place and expects us to take care of it. Your conscience is a gift from God. God knows what is going on in our heads with our conscience and whether we are obeying it or not, whether we have trained it or have abused it.

No two consciences are exactly alike. If they were, we wouldn’t need passages in the Bible like Romans 14 and 1 Corinthians 8 which teach people with differing consciences to get along in the church. Because of this, no one’s conscience perfectly lines up with God’s will. So don’t use your conscience to judge someone else’s.

I mentioned that you can abuse or damage your conscience. You can do this in two directions. You can make it insensitive, or you can make it oversensitive. You make it insensitive by ignoring the promptings of it and of the promptings by the Holy Spirit though your conscience. Pharaoh is an example from the Old Testament who hardened his heart to God. In the New Testament, the book of Hebrews warns us not to “harden our hearts” to God’s promptings or will, as others have in the past, suffer a similar dire fate.

You can also make your conscience oversensitive by packing it up with all sorts of rules that are not really a right or wrong thing but just opinion. The Apostle Paul issues a warning about this to Timothy and the church at Ephesus. You can see both insensitivity and oversensitivity in one passage.

“Through the hypocrisy of liars whose consciences are seared. They forbid marriage and demand abstinence from foods that God created to be received with gratitude by those who believe and know the truth.” (1 Timothy 4:2–3, CSB)

They ignored God, but then imposing strict and unnecessary rules about food and marriage. It is vitally important to evaluate the truth of your beliefs because true or false, they will program your conscience.

I’m thinking of a personal experience that may help with this. Growing up in west Texas, I faithfully attended a Methodist Church. In our church’s fellowship hall were pool tables and ping pong tables. The other kids and I had a lot of fun playing on those tables before Sunday School. When I got to High School, each year, we had a dance in the church fellowship hall for all the students. I never saw anything wrong with playing pool or dancing. After graduation I went off to college. The school had regular sponsored dances in the University's Student Center. They were good with live bands and popular DJs. I enrolled in a couple of social dance classes at the University. I learned the two step, the three step, polka, and square dancing. Believe me, I was no “Dancing with the Stars”, but it was a great way to socialize and have fun.

During this time, I came to know Christ and my life was changed. On the one hand, some of the things I did as an unbeliever I needed to stop. On the other hand, there were some things, now as a Christ follower, I needed to start doing. Going to school dances was not one of those things I ever felt like I needed to stop. In fact, I brought many of my dance friends the campus Baptist Collegiate Ministry, until I was told that going to dances would hurt my witness and stunt my spiritual growth. I was a new believer. I was also told by some more “mature Christian students” not to listen to any other music, but only Christian music. I followed their direction and stopped both dances and listening to any other music. I allowed my conscience to be restricted in an area that I now understand was not a right or wrong issue, but someone else’s conscience paraded as right and wrong for everyone, including me. My conscience became overly sensitized, and I fell into a subtle form of legalism.

To quote the Apostle Paul again, “For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” (Galatians 5:13, ESV) The flesh can and will move us to extremes: Excesses in behavior or to pride by abstaining.

To sum it up, our internal dialogue, self-limiting beliefs, and conscience make up what I call the inner critic. We need to be aware and be diligent in managing our self-talking, self-limiting, and self-judging. Knowing what your inner critic is and how it functions leads us to steward it for an aligned life before God, others, and ourselves.

“For why is my freedom judged by another person’s conscience? If I partake with thanksgiving, why am I criticized because of something for which I give thanks? So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God. Give no offense to Jews or Greeks or the church of God, just as I also try to please everyone in everything, not seeking my own benefit, but the benefit of many, so that they may be saved.” (1 Corinthians 10:29–33, CSB)

Taming Your Inner Critic

“For as he thinks in his heart, so is he.” (Proverbs 23:7a, NKJV)

You can’t control what other people think or say about you, but you can tame what you say about yourself. We say hurtful things to ourselves that we would never say to another person. For example, have you ever said to yourself:

“I’m no good.”

“Why would anyone want me?”

“I’m a failure.”

“I’m so stupid.”

“I’ll never be able to stop that.”

“I’m an idiot.”

Way back in the 1990s, Dr. Daniel Amen, M.D. gave these thoughts a name. He called them “ANTs.” Yes, he called them ANTs: Automatic Negative Thoughts. What’s important to remember is that these thoughts are real, and they have a direct impact on how you feel and how you behave.

ANTs are all too common. Brain scientists tell us that most of our thoughts are negative, which they maintain is perfectly normal. These thoughts pop up to keep us on the alert and safe. But ANTs can also become a habit. There is an adage in the neuroscience community that goes like this: Neurons that fire together wire together. In other words, the more you have a reoccurring thought pattern the more likely it is that you will continue to have that thought pattern. That’s one of the reasons why it’s so hard to break a bad habit.

Another challenge that surfaces with your negative thoughts is the issue of truth. Just because you are having a thought does not mean it’s true. It could even be harmful. Most of us would question someone else telling us we are stupid. We would even get angry at someone for calling us an idiot. But when we say it to ourselves, we just accept it. We don’t question it. You need to question it. Question your self-talk.

One way to do this is to recognize your thoughts when they are negative and talk back to them. Dallas Willard has written, in his book “Hearing God” that we should stop listening to ourselves and begin talking to ourselves. This advice may seem strange in a book about hearing from God, but I promise you that it is sound. If you can learn how to not believe every stinking thought that you have in your head, you will go a long way into moving toward mental, physical and spiritual health.

Our problem has been that these thoughts pop us automatically, seemingly out of the blue and then they pile up. If it were just one or two a day, it would not be so bad, but they accumulate and take over our lives to a greater or lesser degree. At any rate, they consume a lot of energy and cause us to miss some great opportunities.

Another way to combat these thoughts is to write down the thought and then write down what is true that counters the thought. I’m a fan of journaling. For me, writing stuff down has a way of freeing my mind.

Here are some questions you should ask yourself when you have a negative thought or an ANT:

• Is it true?

• How can I know that this is really true?

• How do I react because of believing that thought?

Here’s the gut check question:

• How would I feel if I didn’t have that thought or ever have it again?

These questions will put some objectivity to your self-talk.

I don’t want to get deep into neurobiology, after all, I’m no neuroscientist. But I have stayed at a Holiday Inn Express! With that said, I have read and heard over and over from qualified people in this field as to how our ANTs affect our health.

Whenever you have a negative thought, such as anger, sadness or depression, your body releases chemicals into the limbic system (that part of the brain [stem] that control your autonomic nervous system) that make you feel bad, both emotionally and physically. It fires you up and puts you on alert. The limbic system gives us the emotional fuel that increases your heart rate among other things.

When you have a positive thought, such as happiness, joy or hope, your body releases chemicals into the same system, but these are different and make your emotions and body feel good. So, your body reacts to every thought that you have in some way and to some degree.

This why thoughts are so powerful. They can make you laugh and sing or cause you to have a headache and double over with pain in your gut.

I believe it is possible for us to train our thoughts to be positive and filled with hope. If we can change our thoughts, we can change the way we feel. When we change the way we feel, it will change the way we treat ourselves and others. It will change our lives.

You may be wondering if this is biblical. Well, it is. David, the great king of Israel often asked himself why he was thinking or feeling a certain way. He would then make adjustment in his thoughts and bring them back to the truth of Scripture.

“Why, my soul, are you so dejected? Why are you in such turmoil? Put your hope in God, for I will still praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 43:5, CSB)

“My soul, bless the Lord, and all that is within me, bless his holy name. My soul, bless the Lord, and do not forget all his benefits.” (Psalm 103:1–2, CSB)

This is part of what the Apostle Paul was referring to when he said to renew your mind. He wrote, “Do not be conformed to this age, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may discern what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God.” (Romans 12:2, CSB)

We are to think God’s thoughts. Of course, you cannot think God’s thoughts if you don’t know God’s thoughts. This is where Scripture reading, meditating, and memorizing come in. I can say with certainty that you are not thinking God’s thoughts if you are berating and condemning yourself. “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus,” (Romans 8:1, CSB). Not even a little condemning. Zip, zero, nada, none.

So, take notice of your self-talk and if it’s not in line with God’s talk about you, rebuke it and tame it in the powerful name of Jesus.

When the Solution is the Problem

“But Jesus called them to him, saying, “Let the children come to me, and do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God.” (Luke 18:16, ESV)

If you could do it all over again, what would you do different?

A friend asked this question concerning my education. I told him that instead of majoring in accounting, if I had it to do over again, I’d major in theology, and then I’d major in psychology. In ministry you need to know God and to know a lot about God, but you also need to be a student of the human condition. Know all you can about God and learn all you can about people.

John Calvin wrote in the first line of his The Institutes of the Christian Religion, "Nearly all the wisdom we possess, that is to say, true and sound wisdom, consists of two parts: the knowledge of God and of ourselves."

As people of faith, we have spent a lot of time learning about God, but not so much discovering what makes people tick. We observe, but do we really learn about us and our fellow humans in a systematic way? With this thought in mind, I’m going to tell a true story and an interesting discovery about how fearfully and wonderfully we are made. I'm also going to share how you can become more effective in helping people by understanding how adverse experiences may affect human flourishing.

In 1985, the chief of Kaiser Permanente’s (KP) Department of Preventive Medicine in San Diego, CA, couldn’t figure out why more than half of the people in his obesity clinic were dropping out. To be more accurate, it was 50% dropping out each year for five years straight.

If you’re like me, you’ve done a few diets and bailed out on many of them. Who hasn’t? But this was different. This was a program for people 300 Lbs. or more overweight. And get this, the people were succeeding when they dropped out. They were on a roll (pun not intended) losing more than 100 Lbs. each when they quit.

The search for the mystery behind the dropouts got very involved. It took on a span of 25 years and 17,000 participants, involving researchers from the Centers for Disease Control (CDC) and KP. The researchers found some commonalities with the dropouts: All of them had been born at normal weight. None of them gained the weight slowly over several years. The weight gain was abrupt and then stopped and stayed. If weight was lost, it was regained again over a very short time.

The doctor, being at a loss on the data decided to do face to face interviews. Nothing came from this either…until.

The breakthrough occurred because of a mistake in how the doctor asked a particular question. Remember, the doctor started doing personal interviews. With one patient, instead of asking, “How old were you when you were first sexually active?” he mistakenly asked, “How much did you weigh when you were first sexually active?” The woman he was interviewing answered, “forty pounds”, then she burst into tears. Then she added, “I was four years old with my father.”

The doctor didn’t know what to do with that. Then, about ten days later, he ran into the same thing. In modifying the questions, he realized that every other person was providing information about childhood sexual abuse. He was dumbfounded, thinking that this can’t be true. So, he asked other colleagues to do the interviews on the next 100 patients to see if they did or did not find the same things. They did! Most of the 286 people interviewed had been sexually abused as children.

You’ve read this far. Hang in here just a little longer. Now you are going to see the connection with abuse and food. The doctor discovered that these people, who were hundreds of pounds overweight, did not see their weight as a problem, but as a solution. Eating was a fix. It was salving a past trauma and providing a security to avoid further abuse. Eating soothed their anxiety, fear, anger and often, depression. It was like a drug. Not eating increased all these negative emotions. Being hundreds of pounds overweight also made them less susceptible to abuse. It made them invisible. Often, people who have been abused and sexually abused want to disappear. They want to hide. Overweight people in our society are ignored, or at least discounted.

Here comes the big mind shift: The problem, as the doctor saw it, was food. They were eating too much. From his research and interviews he came to believe that the problem was not food. Food had become a biochemical coping method (like alcohol, drugs, violence, sex, work, etc.) to escape the intense anxiety, fear, anger, and depression.

Previously medical professionals, counselors and social workers had thought that addiction was the problem, and certainly addiction is a problem, but it’s not the real problem. Many now have come to believe that for many, turning to drugs, and other harmful behaviors is an expected response to serious childhood trauma. The trauma may be sexual abuse but could involve other things as well. It could be the loss of a parent or sibling. It could be witnessing abuse in the home. It could even be food insecurity.

In many cases, what young people and even older people turn to ease their trauma is harmful. It creates a whole other set of problems on top of the trauma and even adding to it.

Going down this path, the CDC and Kaiser Permanente ended up interviewing almost 18,000 participants to learn about childhood trauma. They discovered 10 types of adverse childhood experiences or ACEs. The 10 types are divided into three categories: Abuse, neglect, and household dysfunction.

A scoring system was developed to identify a person’s ACEs score. One point is given for each of the 10 types. If a person had none of the events listed as ACEs in their background, their score would be zero. If they lived under a verbally abusive parent only, then their score would be one.

What the research found was that the more ACEs a child has, the higher the risk of developing chronic illnesses such as heart disease, COPD, depression, and cancer. Also, people with high (4 or more) ACEs scores are more likely to be violent, have multiple marriages, and suffer depression. In other words, these adverse childhood experiences are strong, long, and cumulative. What happened to you at four years old can send you to the hospital at 50.

If you’ve read this far, then you’re getting the idea that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. It would seem the case here. But there is more, oh so much more.

We are in a mental health epidemic. I wish it were not so, but we are. I believe Jesus is the answer to a person in trauma, but the trauma is its own kind of prison which makes it hard for God’s people to know how to help. We need understanding. We need instruction.

This is why the Connect Now one hour overview of Adverse Childhood Experiences vs Resilience is so important. This free online seminar will help ministers, teachers, children’s workers, and volunteers understand how mental health issues affect children’s education and life development. Krista Gonce is the presenter. To learn more about the seminar, Krista and how to sign up for this online seminar click the button below.

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